Have you heard?

There’s a new terror tape out, and, apparently, it’s all about style and grooming. Which is undeniable evidence that nowadays everyone’s gay — even the terrorists.

After reviewing the tape, government analysts are saying that Osama bin Laden may have dyed his beard and cut his hair shorter in an effort to “appear younger” and “more vigorous,” according to NBC’s Jim Miklaszewski. Yes. Government analysts are now telling us things you can learn from Tim Gunn’s new BRAVO show. And just in time for Fashion Week!

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Call for another 9/11 and what do you expect? Yesterday Philadelphia Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky did just that, and now, Big Head DC can confirm, his newsroom has received thousands of angry calls, letters and e-mails.

Even people who know him personally are perplexed:

“Putting things in the most charitable context, Stu is an acquired taste and not the brightest bulb in the chandelier,” writes acquaintance Shaun Mullen. “More bluntly, he is an asshole whose ability to upset people far exceeds his abilities. Stu also is, as they say, a complex person. He can write about ill-treated puppy dogs one day (a favorite topic) and blow minds the next with excrement like his 9/11 redux wet dream.”

Others have not been so kind:

“This guy should lose his job - not for his political views, but for his outright stupidity.” (link)

“Looks like the paper’s editor and writer start their weekend drinking early.” (link)

“This guy is just a moron.” (link)

“lets hope the plane hits his house” (link)

“Fucker” (link)

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The big news today is CNN’s report on a newly released al Qaeda-produced video by American al Qaeda member Adam Yahiye Gadahn who said U.S. Embassies and American interests “at home and abroad” are prime targets for terrorist attacks.

The video was provided to the network by http://www.lauramansfield.com, “a Web site that analyzes terrorism,” according to CNN.

The site says Laura Mansfield is “a writer and commentator on issues regarding the Middle East, Islam, and Radical Islamic Terrorism” with “over 20 years of experience dealing with issues pertaining to the Middle East.” She’s also a contributor to the conservative FrontPage Magazine and has stated on the conservative Web site California Republic that “the War on Terror began nearly a quarter of a century earlier (than 9/11) with the Islamic Revolution in Iran.”

Mansfield told Big Head DC today that she cannot reveal how she obtained the tape.

“Unfortunately if I publicize how/where I obtained the video I would not be able to obtain one early again,” she told us. ”Please rest assured that my contacts in federal law enforcement were notified exactly where and how it was obtained.”

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Trusted Congressional sources are telling Big Head DC some scary news today, based on insider information. Yesterday, it seems, there was a great deal of commotion on the Senate side after Sen. Trent Lott made a statement to the effect of “get out of Washington if you can, things are dangerous.” He was also heard saying that the danger level will persist until September 12. 

Some Democratic sources are saying that Lott may have staged the whole thing, so Congress could quickly pass a bill and go into recess.

No matter Lott’s intentions, he may not get his way so long as President Bush has anything to say about it.

More from TPM Muckraker on the incident here. 

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The lady’s famous for two things: birthing Tori Spelling and marrying the guy who created Dream Boat. Oh, and lately she’s taken to writing cautionary notes addressed to celebrities, including Paris Hilton, at TMZ.com regarding the tragic excesses of fame. So, logically, Arianna Huffington, owner of The Huffington Post, decided that the oh-so-unsweet Candy Spelling would be a perfect candidate for, you guessed it, political blogging!

We can just see her cautionary political notes now:

Dear Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff,

You made me do it. I didn’t plan to write another letter now. I took a few weeks off because I didn’t feel strongly about what anyone was doing — or else I couldn’t decide which side to believe.

You’ve driven me back to my laptop to ask why, if you have to feel uneasy about impending terror, while looking like Jafar from Aladdin and wearing what little hair you have in a way that’s just plain unflattering, do you have to talk to Congress all the time? You’re wearing out your welcome. Some people never can turn away from a train wreck, so who can blame The New York Times for waiting for your next one? Do you really want to keep getting headlines such as “Chertoff Tired of Scaring Immigrants, Wants to Scare Everybody” to be your legacy? You can do much better.

Unlike some others who are famous for being famous, you initially earned the fame and respect you achieved. You were a giant star, a judge on the United States Court of Appeals, as a federal prosecutor, and as assistant U.S. Attorney General. Later, you made some missteps. We all do. But, when you become more famous for expressing your hunches than for your accomplishments, it’s time to step back and figure out where you want your life to go.

Enough with the sorry grabs for attention. Deep down, especially for your two children, people want you to succeed. You can always get attention if you need it. Visit someone famous at Guantanamo and attract a zillion photographers if you’re that addicted to fame. Americans like winners. We like those stories about what people do with second chances. How about a moratorium on ”gut feelings” and some time out for paying back the White House that has helped you succeed?

Best,

Candy Spelling

Earlier: Actor Ryan Reynolds Becomes Political Blogger for Huffington Post

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The popular FOX News host recently devoted a segment of his program to arguing that the Times should have covered the arrests made in an alleged JFK airport terrorist plot on its front page.“In Sunday’s Times, editor Bill Keller put the JFK story on - ready - page 37, right above a story about kids playing at Fuddrucker’s restaurant,” Bill O’Reilly said.

One problem. As Think Progress notes, Sunday’s New York Times did feature a headline regarding the JFK terror plots on its front page (see pic at right).

O’Reilly has not responded to requests for comment from Big Head DC.

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So said President Bush during his just concluded press conference on the Iraq War. FYI, the NBC News White House reporter is married to former federal prosecutor Beth Wilkinson, now a general counsel at Fannie Mae. They have three kids. So, code red. Code red!

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An unnamed White House source insists President Bush will pardon Scooter Libby. Meanwhile, the secretive world of Dick Cheney is under siege.

Surge needed well into ‘08, says some general.

Get your very own FEMA trailer for a good price.

Madonna may love New York, but that isn’t gonna help Rudy Giuliani.

Historians are pissed at both Bushes.

Valerie Plame is moving to New Mexico.

Former Navy man arrested on charges of espionage and providing material support to terrorists.

John Edwards to skip debate appearance on FOX News Channel.

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Al Gore elected President of global warming! His first act: goading Oscar from gold to green.

Iraq war still unpopular.

150 years ago Al Sharpton might have been Strom Thurmond’s slave. 

Dick Cheney wants Pakistan to be acting more like Australia in this here war on terror.

Governors have opinions on Election ‘08.

Congress is card checking unions.

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Last week we learned that dolphins and sea lions have been trained to protect military bases. Could chimpanzees be our next best defense in the war on terror?

For the first time ever, the WaPo reports, chimps “have been observed fashioning deadly spears from sticks and using the tools to hunt small mammals — the first routine production of deadly weapons ever observed in animals other than humans.”

Like President Bush says, you’re either against us, or with us, so why not put ‘em to work in Iraq? They haven’t been of much use since we used to blast them into space during the Sputnik era, right? PETA activists beware…

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