Wow. Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff, after meeting with Kiefer Sutherland over the weekend and embarrassing the White House in the process, is now giving the actor the royal treatment. Yesterday, the WaPo reports, the starstruck power player gave crew members from 24 a private tour of the “real-world CTU” — a privilege that normal taxpayers would never, ever receive. And, mind you, Sutherland is Canadian!

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Is it just us, or was it exceptionally inappropriate for sitting Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff to be hobnobbing with Kiefer Sutherland while he shot a few 24 scenes in Washington over the weekend? On Sunday, it seemed that Chertoff was much more interested in kissing up to the actor - who acts like he’s protecting the U.S. each week on the popular FOX series - rather than doing his real job of protecting the U.S. from real security threats. What’s next? When Tina Turner comes to town, is he going to put on a sparkly red fringed dress and start dancing? Shame on you, Mr. Chertoff.

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The New York Times may have scooped The Washington Post on the Alberto Gonzales resignation story by several minutes, but U.S. News’ Washington Whispers gossip columnist Paul Bedard had everyone beat by a whole day.

“The buzz among top Bushies is that beleaguered Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally plans to depart and will be replaced by Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff,” Bedard wrote yesterday. “Why Chertoff? Officials say he’s got fans on Capitol Hill, is untouched by the Justice prosecutor scandal, and has more experience than Gonzales did, having served as a federal judge and assistant attorney general.”

Nary a news outlet has given Bedard credit for his scoop, but he’s taking it in stride.

“Oh well, I used to get worked up about that stuff but not anymore,” Bedard told Big Head DC this morning. “I mean, it’s not like they stole my winning Powerball ticket. I kind of like that Washington Whispers is the tip sheet the bigs go to for ideas.”

CNN confirmed earlier this morning that Chertoff is a possible candidate for replacement.

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The lady’s famous for two things: birthing Tori Spelling and marrying the guy who created Dream Boat. Oh, and lately she’s taken to writing cautionary notes addressed to celebrities, including Paris Hilton, at TMZ.com regarding the tragic excesses of fame. So, logically, Arianna Huffington, owner of The Huffington Post, decided that the oh-so-unsweet Candy Spelling would be a perfect candidate for, you guessed it, political blogging!

We can just see her cautionary political notes now:

Dear Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff,

You made me do it. I didn’t plan to write another letter now. I took a few weeks off because I didn’t feel strongly about what anyone was doing — or else I couldn’t decide which side to believe.

You’ve driven me back to my laptop to ask why, if you have to feel uneasy about impending terror, while looking like Jafar from Aladdin and wearing what little hair you have in a way that’s just plain unflattering, do you have to talk to Congress all the time? You’re wearing out your welcome. Some people never can turn away from a train wreck, so who can blame The New York Times for waiting for your next one? Do you really want to keep getting headlines such as “Chertoff Tired of Scaring Immigrants, Wants to Scare Everybody” to be your legacy? You can do much better.

Unlike some others who are famous for being famous, you initially earned the fame and respect you achieved. You were a giant star, a judge on the United States Court of Appeals, as a federal prosecutor, and as assistant U.S. Attorney General. Later, you made some missteps. We all do. But, when you become more famous for expressing your hunches than for your accomplishments, it’s time to step back and figure out where you want your life to go.

Enough with the sorry grabs for attention. Deep down, especially for your two children, people want you to succeed. You can always get attention if you need it. Visit someone famous at Guantanamo and attract a zillion photographers if you’re that addicted to fame. Americans like winners. We like those stories about what people do with second chances. How about a moratorium on ”gut feelings” and some time out for paying back the White House that has helped you succeed?

Best,

Candy Spelling

Earlier: Actor Ryan Reynolds Becomes Political Blogger for Huffington Post

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From DCeiver:

As if the unilaterally embarrassing story of the City of Boston losing their collective shit over an advertising campaign needed one final humiliating postscript, we hear today that Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff offered Boston officials a round of congratulations for their vigilance. We can only presume that Michael Chertoff delivered his message via bleating it out in Morse Code on a squeeze horn while wearing face paint and a red rubber nose, because we simply cannot imagine a serious-minded, grown-ass man responding to the news of Boston’s collective idiot attack in any other way than wanting to slam their head against the wall. Frankly, that Chertoff didn’t haul off on Boston scares us, and we really have no other choice than to raise the “George Bush and his Administration Have No Fucking Idea What They Are Doing” Threat Index to the color of Fred Willard in A Mighty Wind…

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