Hillary Clinton and other aspiring U.S. Presidents unintentionally teach Al Qaeda deputy just how cool Internet video can be. “I’m in to win,” said Ayman al-Zawahiri, the chief aide to Osama bin Laden, on his flashy new campaign Web site.

Al Gore nominated for an Oscar this a.m. Upon learning the news, he unexpectedly pledged that he created global warning, as well as the Internet, so that you could learn about it.

Dems in Congress immediately cursed Gore for creating global warming, and proceeded to in-fight over the issue. He’ll never be Prez.

Yuck, what’s that crazy old Worcester dude doing with FDR’s cane?

President Bush will be appearing on TV in lieu of Dancing with the Stars tonight. He’s gonna be a bigger letdown than even trainwreck Sara Evans.

Surge may taste good at first, but it’s gonna hurt going down.

Can we be assured that uninsured people really matter?

Sen. John Warner has always been a trouble-maker. His smooth, sexy face has betrayed him long enough.

Big Head DC officially launched on the most depressing day of the year. We couldn’t have planned it any better, if we tried.

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Garrett Graff, after reading our scathing indictment, last night talked to Mark Warner. “Why the hell did you drop out?” he screamed at the ex-Virginia governor. “You royally screwed up my book!”

OK, we jest.

But Graff truly did speak to Warner about why his decision came so early. “He explained that everything was moving quickly and that to be fair to his staff and supporters he needed to move sooner,” Graff told us. “I’ve been on the trail with him several times before — as recently as a month ago in Iowa — and it’s been pretty obvious that he was vacillating a bit in whether to run. He really cares about his family and, since he’s worth north of $100 million, he never has to do something he doesn’t really want to do.”

As for how the drop-out will affect Graff’s book, he said that “Warner was never the main focus, just a part of the larger story about how politics is changing to meet the challenges of a new economy.”

In this day and age, we suggest that Graff simply turn another page.  

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Remember last year when we muddied the waters, unveiling that the Washingtonian’s editor-at-large Garrett Graff was leaving FishbowlDC?

After we spoiled his surprise, he announced that he was indeed exiting stage right to pen a book for publication by Farrar, Straus, and Giroux titled “The First Campaign: Democrats, The Internet, & The Future of American Politics,” that would examine “the impact of technology and globalization in politics” and focus “on Mark Warner, the former Virginia governor, as the first presidential candidate to come out of the dot com era.”

Graff must have been crying today when Warner announced his decision not to run because he “wants to spend more time with his family.”

Fuck. That’s going to make for a pretty boring middle of the book, now isn’t it:

Chapter 6, January 1, 2007: Today, while Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and John Edwards threw jabs at each other, battling for the Democratic nomination, Warner made sweet love to his wife, Lisa Collis.

Chapter 7, January 12, 2007: Warner’s daughter, Eliza, kissed a boy today. And liked it. She really liked it.

Chapter 8, January 15, 2007: Warner has grown tired of me following him and his family, so we’ll have to cut this short. 

We kid, of course, but are exceptionally curious how Graff will handle this situation. If you’re reading this Garrett, we’ve got Russ Feingold’s number. And we hear he toils on the net sometimes. It could work.    

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