If you’re anything like me, you probably missed this bit of news from back in July: “Fonda, Parton and Tomlin keen on 9 to 5 sequel.” They have confirmed that they definitely want to do it, and are open to all script ideas and offers. And, now I find out that a 9 to 5 musical is being developed.
How ironic that this past weekend, we decided that it would be crucial to have a 9 to 5 sequel within the next 5 years (before Jane, Lily or — God forbid — Dolly, dies). As we drove around Washington, D.C., we contemplated several script ideas.
We decided that the sequel must focus on the girls now running whatever company they ran back in the original, and that the ingredients for hijinks this time will be driven by the competitive pressures they face from today’s youth-driven market. At the same time, Jane’s character will fall for a handsome — yet shifty –building developer (who, we decided, would either be played by Warren Beatty or Donald Sutherland). It will turn out that said developer’s son (Dermot Mulroney) happens to be in the same business as the girls (WTF was that business?!), and Lily will determine that the whole relationship with Jane has been a farce put on by father and son to destroy the girls’ business. However, Jane, smitten by the love bug, will hear none of that and the girls all end up fighting — putting their company in still greater risk.
We also discover at the beginning of the movie that Lily adopted an African American baby soon after the original movie ended. He’s now a 7-foot-tall drag show performer who also happens to work at the girls’ company during the day. (RuPaul will be cast in this role). In the opening scene, Ru will find out that three of his friends aren’t able to perform that night (cramps) and he needs three fill-ins for the performance. But who? Dolly, Lily and Jane, of course! The opening credits will flash across the screens as the girls ham it up with RuPaul singing a re-worked version of Dolly’s 9 to 5 — with the lines, “I worked 9 to 5, now I’m working overtime” prominently featured.
There will also be a scene where the building developer becomes violently ill. Jane suspects that Lily attempted to poison him with rat poison. Dolly ends up disguising herself as a nurse and goes into the hospital to read his chart and get to the bottom of what’s causing the rift between Jane and Lily. Ultimately, she overhears a conversation the building developer is having with his son about their devious plans. She determines that he’s faked his illness to keep Jane from discovering what’s going on with the whole business thing. So, she switches his chart with a person who is receiving heavy dosages of sleeping pills, and waits for him to drift off to sleep. Then she shares the info with Lily.
The rest of the movie focuses on Lily and Dolly finally convincing Jane what’s been going on. And RuPaul will help somehow. And there will be a final sequence when the girls’ toast their triumph over evil and youth and then there will be dancing and Dolly will sing with Ru.
Jane, Lily or Dolly, if you are reading, please e-mail me.
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Former CNN mogul Ted Turner was spotted by Big Head DC spies dining yesterday with a “younger, hotter” look-a-like version of his ex-wife Jane Fonda. And she must not mind his frugal ways. Not only did he treat the lady to a cheap burger and fries meal at his own restaurant chain, Ted’s Montana Grill, he was spotted leaving a paltry $5 tip on a $40 tab. What a guy!
Rudy Giuliani 
