WaPo gossip reporter Mary Ann Akers reports that Condi Rice bought an expensive purse for a friend for Christmas. Seriously. That’s the extent of her report. Except she uses four graphs to say it.

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War protester - and professor! - Desiree Farooz tried to seduce Condoleezza Rice with bloody red hands on Capitol Hill today. But that’s no way to get in her pants.

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“Condi and I have been friends for 25 years,” Randy Bean, a liberal lady (!) who some have speculated to be Condoleezza Rice’s lover, tells Radar. “We co-own an investment property in Palo Alto. We do not share a home.”

The Stanford University filmmaker adds that just because they share a house together doesn’t make them lesbians.

“The insult to my integrity is not that I’m gay but that I’m closeted,” Bean is quoted as saying. “For the record, I’m straight. Anyone who knows me knows how strongly connected I am to my values and political beliefs. If I were gay, I’d be out, loud, and proud.”

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Have you read Glenn Kessler’s new tell-all book The Confidante: Condoleezza Rice and the Creation of the Bush Legacy? Here’s a juicy tidbit he uncovered regarding Condi’s closet space and the fact that she owns a house with a female named Randy Bean: Read more…

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Maybe he’s sick of blogging.

Maybe he’s off rendezvousing with Anne Schroeder.

Or maybe he just couldn’t take Big Head DC’s relentless teasing re: his wacky mom.

Whatever it is, Wonkette editor Alex Pareene is on an extended stay in his home state of Minnesota today, and he’s chosen a local blogger known as “Princess Sparkle Pony” (we kid you not) to bat some snark in his absence. The horse has ridden this road before, so we’re sure the blog is in capable hands. Still, let’s hope “her” odd obsession with Condi Rice doesn’t run amok. We know, we know, anything’s got to be better than Pareene, but at least he gives us a pale target to ridicule.

Related: Gawker Boss Says Wonkette Needs More Scoops

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