Not that secret tunnel, silly! The secret tunnel that leads from a well-traversed DC watering hole popular with Hill staffers directly to a maintenance room in the House of Representatives wing of the Capitol? Yes, when the kids at DC Nightlife Raw aren’t threatening to beat us up, they actually have the ability to pique our curiousity.

We did some digging and learned that said tunnel may be located in the basement of The Capitol Lounge, but some say that’s just an urban legend. Still, next time you’re there, why not check it out? After all, someone once said you have nothing to fear, but fear itself. We think her name was Chandra Levy.

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Come visit me at the big Fashion Show at MCCXXIII/SPANK tonight. At the last one, the women were beautiful, but guys not so much. Check out the pictures of some of the models you’ll see tonight. One of them might even be me. If you’re lucky.

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If you’re not familiar with Absolute Addiction, they’re a national club promotion company that does a lot of great publicity in Washington. They always e-mail me the latest tips on when and where I should be seen about the town.

Well, when I got their message this week, I had to do a double take. The same week that Lindsay Lohan enters rehab, they send me a pic of a girl who looks exactly like her with the word “addiction” plastered over her head. I immediately thought that I had missed Firecrotch in person at Lima, Posh or kstreet. Upon further inspection, though, I realized that, alas, it was just a look alike:

No, Ms. Mean Girl will never visit our fair city. Until she’s sober, that is, and promoting some political cause once she’s well into her Botox years. 

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In some cities, hot nightlife spots might close momentarily because of rapper shootings, or they might shutter up longer for justified reasons like “wacky drug use, zany bankruptcy or even “the end of modern-day Gomorrah.”

But in DC, club owners close their venues down for — how shall we put this politely — different reasons.

Lulu’s Club Mardi Gras, a popular college hangout, recently shut down permanently due to “renovations to the former site of Blackie’s restaurant next door,” according to WaPo’s Going Out Gurus.

The GOGs also reported that Polly Esther’s, a popular old person hangout, and Tequila Beach closed a few days before “to make way for new development on the block.”

Now, we find out that Nation, a somewhat popular club in the District, will close in July due to looming baseball stadium construction. It will be torn down “to make way for a new, mixed use office building,” according to its Web site.

So, in DC clubs close because there’s not enough space for them. Funny thing is, there’s space for all the developments that are replacing them.

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We’re hearing that quite a few bloggers we know plan to smoke after sex tonight, since the first part of D.C.’s 2-part phase-out begins tomorrow. Oddly, a lot of bloggers we know must be having sex in apartment lobbies because the full ban, which will apply to clubs, nightclubs, taverns, brew pubs and restaurant bars, doesn’t take effect until Jan. 1.

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