What no one else is telling you about the Iowa caucuses: Rudy Giuliani has won!

Won the heart and mind of former New York Post gossip Ian Spiegelman, that is:

We have this great election coming up. Everyone’s thrilled. No matter who wins, Bush and his horde will all have to go find ropes to piss up. What a time! But when I look at the candidates, the only thing that gives me the warm fuzzies is… the absence of Bush. None of the candidates seem that awful compared to Bush, but what the fuck kind of recommendation is that? I’m supposed to pull myself away from Malcolm in the Middle re-runs and break up a nearly perfect non-voting record just because none of these moneyed, cloying, robotic asses are likely to start another war?

Oh wait… There’s Rudy. In a pack of under-inspired script-readers, he is the only candidate who truly stands out. Whether it’s the Bernie Kerik connection, the 9/11 grandstanding, or covertly spending tax dollars on trips to make brittle, chafing love to his mistress, Rudolph Giuliani’s trail of festering menace is well documented. He’s already done enough that we can leave it to history to decide whether he’s a man of bad character or no character. And since New Yorkers launched him upon the world, it’s only right that we do what we can to make amends.