A new guerrilla group based in Washington, D.C. wants “all the chumps, douche-bags, yuppies, and stripey-shirt imported assholes of this town” to know that kickball is for players, not posers.

The “Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front” advocates “all ridiculous direct action and pranks pursuant to the collapse of kickball for young professionals in the greater Washington, DC area,” claiming they have sat idle for too long.

“Already they make life in our great capital barely tolerable and now through solidarity their ham-headed presence is flaunted like a fish smack to the face during any afternoon stroll,” according to the group’s Web site. “Like a sickening monochrome slime these homogenized social stamp-outs will spread influence through the Capital region until life here is indistinguishable from living inside a frat-house wrapped in Old Navy clothing all tucked inside a giant Walmart.”

Already their “agents move unseen through cursed kickball leagues and our actions are the stuff of hushed whispers, nightmares.. and hopes” They claim: “Our numbers are vast. Our skills infinite. Our power cannot be contained.”

Douche-y kickballers, you have been warned.