Officials with the Cable News Network released a lengthy and unprecedented response this afternoon to Michael Moore’s allegations that reporters there have been biased in their coverage of his cinematic ode to the errors of the American health care industry, “SiCKO.”

“In our original report, we made one mistake, which we apologized for and corrected on air and online six days ago, despite Mr. Moore’s claim yesterday in his letter to us,” a spokesman said. “Further, the e-mail Mr. Moore released in an effort to cast doubt on our reporting does no such thing.

Translation: Shut up, fatty.