So, have you heard the one about the male-to-female transgendered All My Children soap opera character played by some male actor named Jeffrey Carlson (shown above in full Technicolor glory)? Well, we have! Carlson first appeared on Susan Lucci’s show a few months back, acting as a male rock star named Zarf. But all was not well in his complicated, pretty little head. It soon turned out that Zarf felt like he was a woman on the inside, and he decided to have his junk cut off after Susan Lucci’s lesbian daughter Bianca started to have feelings for him. Because how could she still be a lesbian if he was a dude? Hence, he changed into a woman and then he and Bianca tongue kissed.

The writers of the plot were all fired. 

But the story doesn’t end there, kids! Zarf is now coming to DC!!! According to Soap Central, Carlson has opted not to renew his short-term contract with All My Children, and instead is heading to Washington, where he will star in a Shakespeare Theatre Company production of Hamlet!

Really, we all win!