In this week’s installment, Marty Beckerman answers the eternal question, “Why do fools fall in love?”

BHR: Wow, your pal Ned Vizzini was all over Gawker last week. I’m not surprised he’s getting covered, but I am surprised it took them this long to speculate about his sex life. How’s he doing?

MB: You’re reading too much into it. Ned listed professional duties for the position; it was nothing salacious. I never understood the snark culture of Gawker and Radar. “Fuck you” makes sense to me but not “gotcha.” Why do sophisticated, urbane New Yorkers read the same trash gossip as trailer park dwellers anyway?

Anyway, Ned’s doing well, I think. We had a few drinks together a month ago. He’s finishing a new novel. Read the latest at http://rocketsinthenight.blogspot.com/

BHR: Is it too trailer trashish of me for missing Anna Nicole Smith?

MB: Well, considering that you’re her baby daddy….

BHR: Speaking of trailer trash, why did Britney shave her head? Really, why?

MB: She wanted to perform a reverse hair transplant. Her “lady region” felt cold in the winter without pubes. The doctors need a lot of donor material from the scalp.

BHR: Speaking again of trailer trash, what did you do this past weekend?

MB: Friday night: drank at party. Saturday night: drank at friend’s house. Sunday night: drank at Irish pub. Getting back into whiskey after a month-long vodka kick. It has so much more character. Kind of like me compared to you.

BHR: I just don’t get your jokes, Marty. I’m gonna be reading up on the Iliad in preparation for next week’s banter.