Critics have carped that the Washington Post’s Sunday Source section is a featherweight appendage of a newspaper that once brought down a presidential administration. Yet in between articles on how to make puppets and throw parties for your ferret, the Source occasionally breaks new ground. BigHead DC is proud to present an exclusive Source look into the adult film industry.
By Bridget Breda Feldmeier
Popular opinion in a crowd of wild’n’crazy 20- and 30-something gals is that porn is now da bomb. These days, porn stars have gone mainstream and mainstream stars do porn. X-Rated actors like Jenna Jameson, for example, rub elbows on the best seller lists with Joan Didion. Meanwhile stars like Pamela Anderson have seen their careers explode after their naughty video hi jinks got out.
But can a Washington career gal ever hope to exude this kind of high-octane va-va-voom sexuality? Well, this intrepid reporterette decided to thrust herself deep into the depths of the adult film world and find out. I didn’t opt to become a lowly lighting or tech worker, though. Instead my mission was to show our loyal Sunday Source readers the nitty gritty of working as an adult film star.
The Source has already blown the lid off the pressing issue of public kissing, so why not hardcore porn? Forget Road Trips, baby. This would be the road truly less traveled! And forget “Sex and the City.” This would be sex with the city!
I immediately rang up porn star-turned-video director Jill Kelly to show me the ropes of how the whole she-bang (pun intended) works! When Kelly invited me down to a shoot, I immediately boned up on the finer points of porn by rereading Jameson’s “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.” How hard could it be, after all? Previous Sunday Source writers (all of whom could be described as “intrepid”) have plunged into such body-taxing ventures as cardiovascular combat and dealing with snow days. I figured an adventure in porn would be as exhilarating as it was revelatory!
The blonde, lithe Kelly has become something of a feminist icon ever since she started her successful Jill Kelly Productions. You go, girl! I met up with Ms. Kelly, who was clad in a natty business suit on the set, which was filled with artificial-looking women, beastly-looking males and lots of Viagra and Krispy Kreme donuts. Ms. Kelly was fully in command and soon ordered me to disrobe. So I peeled off the red themal undies my mother had laid out for me the night before. But Ms. Kelly told me that wasn’t enough, though, so off went the old thermals! Sorry, ma!
Granted, it was somewhat unnerving standing there sans clothes with a bunch of lighting guys gawking at me. But I intrepidly plowed on. I hardly had time to blink before the vivacious Ms. Kelly got the action rolling.
Before I knew it, Ms. Kelly had me on my back with our limbs wrapped around a comely female star. I gave it the old college try. I mean that literally: I drew inspiration from the many nights in the girls’ dormitory to make my film scene as memorable as possible.
Best of all, all those yoga and aerobic classes had made me limber enough to contort into even the strangest of sexual positions. Yay yoga!
Then the ever-affable Ms. Kelly suggested I pair up with a man for my next encounter. And this is where my journey into the world of porn came to an abrupt anti-climax.
I told Ms. Kelly my Post story on porn could not include men: According to the official Post writer’s handbook, when men have sex it’s dirty, but when women have sex it’s beautiful and liberating. Therefore, I explained, a lowly, icky man could not be allowed onto the sexual playing field for reportage purposes.
Ms. Kelly suggested I leave immediately if I did not want to partake. I was handed a smart-looking mauve bathrobe and found my way to a dressing room. Luckily for me, the room was stocked with delicious mint-flavored cocoa. Mmm! (Stay tuned for the Sunday Source’s intrepid multi-page investigation into cocoa!) While imbibing, it occurred to me that I never chose a porn star name. So instead of me mulling about a moniker, we’re asking our intrepid readers to contribute a porn star name for this intrepid reporter!
Tell us about your best porn star name in two words. E-mail washsource@gmail.com and include your name, town and phone number.
