This morning I thought I’d summarize the sentiments of all Washington-based gossip columnists: Fuck you, Mark Leibovich.

In a NY Times article summarizing our blossoming gossip market, he daringly says that whispers within Washington are often not “titillating.”

“As the globe warms, Iraq burns and a presidential campaign heats up, Washington finds itself red-hot in gossip, or what passes for such here,” he writes. “Never in memory has the political world been so awash in items about every little burp and wart and appendectomy of our nation’s leaders.”

Instead of heralding the addition of Big Head DC and WaPo’s The Sleuth and In the Loop to a mix that already included the Reliable Source, Under the Dome, In the Know, Heard on the Hill, Washington Whispers and Karen Feld’s Capital Connections, he opines that our gossip is “tame compared to the sexier, snarkier variety from Hollywood and New York.”

BS! When Mark Foley gets in trouble for IMing teens about their horny wee wees, the actual leadership of the Congress changes. When Lindsay Lohan goes into rehab, alcohol sales plummet at one NYC grocery.

The only area where I agree with Leibovich is that the Politico’s “Shenanigans” columnist Anne Schroeder writes like a retard. OK, he didn’t really say that, but I’m sure he meant it. (I kid Anne because I love her.)

Well, suck our untantilizing bitch tits, Mark, our sources say that you’re just jealous (and that you might even like to sniff dead tree copies of the Times.) Now that’s juicy!