Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I am Amanda Woodward and you, naturally, are pleased to meet me! Although I’m a busy CEO who is definitely hip and happening, this is my first frittering in the world of blogs, so deal with me. I’m worth it.
I, Amanda Woodward, am a gay man living in the District. Don’t let my name fool you. I’m 100% all-man and we are going to have 100% all-fun riding my pink pony. About my pink pony: I’ve been known as Princess Sparklepony for at least eight years and I’m told that another blogger has stolen my “code name.” Well boys, pay attention to imposters no more: The Real Princess Sparklepony is here! You can ride my horse ANYtime.
So about three weeks ago, my former boy toy Big Head Rob (just kidding, Rob!) and his investors approached me at my office at Corporate HQ and asked me to contribute a weekly column to this blog. I was flattered! Naturally! But I had no idea what to write! So Rob said, in that heart-stopping voice of his, “Amanda, you’re the Queen of Gay DC. You write about whatever you want.” I was flattered! Naturally!
Anyways, here I am in all my glory. Go ahead, bow and kiss my ring! You’ll enjoy it! And I’ll be flattered! Naturally!
Let’s start my entry into the blogosphere with a few basic truths about gay life in DC. Truth number one: Gay life in DC is abysmal, among the worst in the world. Washingtonians (gays, unfortunately, included) are renowned for their lack of fashion style. This place is a fashion wasteland! Typically, my fellow gays set the fashion pace for
a city, but not in DC! Sorry boys, but I don’t consider 40-something men wearing x-small A&F t-shirts to be “Fashion Forward.”
As you might expect, music, art, and nightlife all flow from fashion. Sorry boys, they all suck in DC.
Truth number two: most of Gay DC thinks that gay “life” here doesn’t suck. In fact, some of them think it’s even great. This, of course, makes gay life here suck even more. Because, on top of shitty clubs, amateurish DJs, and bad sex, you have to factor in the moron crowd, which would pretty much be half of gay DC. Sorry, boys!
Truth number three: Amanda Woodward does not leave her luxurious P Street NW condominium to stand in the 15 degree cold and wait in a fifth-rate gay club’s line! Got that? Get a VIP line or count me out!
More truth and tales of my sleazy existence in the weeks ahead. You can, of course, address your e-mails and comments directly to me: amandaBHDC@gmail.com. If you disagree with me, you can, of course, kiss my ass! Naturally!
Stay tuned every Monday for Amanda’s latest dirty dish.
