So of course I watched the Miss America pageant last night. I’ve watched it every year since I was 6 and wanted to enter pageants myself, but mama wouldn’t let me (thanks, Mom). While that bitch from Oklahoma was pretty and all, I was rooting for my pal, Washington’s own Miss Kate Michael (alas, she didn’t make it to the second round).

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to suffer through Hammy Hardball’s “wit,” since he was in Las Vegas to be a judge. To me, his jokes really just amounted to a bunch of sexist insults. “I think girls are getting better looking,” he said to host Mario Lopez at one point. “Girls definitely didn’t look like that in the 1920’s.” WTF? Was he alive in the 1920’s?

When he pointed out that “guys like swimsuits on girls,” I nearly hurled, not because he stated the obvious, but because of the creepy way he said it. I know Big Head Rob probably likes him, but he makes my skin crawl. And I don’t know how Kathleen Mathews could have married that diabetic oaf.