Ultra-controversial Washington-based author Marty Beckerman (his latest is “Generation S.L.U.T.” — read his blog here) just won’t stop sharing his thoughts with us. Help!

BHR: Happy Election Day, Marty. Did you get any calls from candidates asking you to stump for them this year?

MB: The only candidate who has earned my endorsement is Kinky Friedman, and I don’t live in Texas, thank God. Did you see that the governor of Texas said yesterday that all Jews go to hell? How great would it be if the singer of the Texas Jewboys were to take his job? Perhaps a greater victory for the Tribe than the War of 1967.

BHR: Huh. No, we didn’t see that. Moving along, what do you think about the recent controversies in the Evangelical, Catholic, and just about every other kind of church?
 
MB: Every single homosexual that I’ve ever met was raised Catholic. I’m not even joking. Which isn’t to say that all Catholics are homosexuals — excluding the priests, ho ho ho — but I have a theory about this: the Protestants don’t place such a heavy emphasis on artwork and crucifixes from what I’m told — you know, the whole sacking of the cathedrals — but the Catholics grow up looking at all these paintings and statues of a naked man lubricated with his own blood hanging in an obvious S&M position with a phallic-looking spear jammed into his body, which has to trigger something.

BHR: Hmmm. We’ll ponder that. But what about Borat: Overrated?

MB: Funniest movie of the year — and the most depressing to watch as an American who is not a member of the Ku Klux Klan — but it’s like Austin Powers all over again: the fans of the character are ruining it with their wretched impersonations.

BHR: So you like? You like? … Finally, who will take the Senate?

MB: You asked this question last week, you Alzheimer’s-ridden pederast. Ask me again and I’m placing you in an assisted living facility against your will after I take over your finances and sell all your possessions for whatever I can get and tell the nursing staff that they should go ahead and pull the plug if the opportunity presents itself, may the Lord be so merciful.

BHR: Just trying to trick you up, Mr. B. Oh, btw, our new co-editor, Mockette, is dying to ask you a few questions, so be ready for her next week. Happy voting.